21 comments«12345»anonymous readerReport 2013-01-14 14:12:35way to rushed and dumb slow down and build some plot and devlope your characters. This is not an English class. xnx you also need a good editor.anonymous readerReport 2013-01-02 15:06:20You could stand a review of the use of words like ‘their’ and ‘there’. names an story match a bit lolanonymous readerReport 2012-12-31 15:17:06When is the next part going to be uploaded I can’t wait for the next partanonymous readerReport 2012-12-31 02:12:26Love it can’t wait for the next part«12345» names an story match a bit lolanonymous readerReport 2012-12-31 15:17:06When is the next part going to be uploaded I can’t wait for the next partanonymous readerReport 2012-12-31 02:12:26Love it can’t wait for the next part«12345» You are murdering it. delete this series and rewrite it adding the needed background and slowing down the action.
