Dr. Xnxx.com Try and make it flow a little better and take things slower, teasing and buildup make a story alot better. But not the worst first attempt I’ve read so don’t feel bad.READERReport 2006-09-05 11:44:32oh my god this was badREADERReport 2006-08-31 08:08:01virgin«12» But not the worst first attempt I’ve read so don’t feel bad.READERReport 2006-09-05 11:44:32oh my god this was badREADERReport 2006-08-31 08:08:01virgin«12» The story should have more detail than that and less random talking. Give a new writer a break.It was good but could add more detail.ATry again and ignore the critics.They probably don’t write! The story should have more detail than that and less random talking. JohnREADERReport 2006-12-31 12:19:03it was prity gudREADERReport 2006-09-07 23:58:46Hey, just some words of advice. JohnREADERReport 2006-12-31 12:19:03it was prity gudREADERReport 2006-09-07 23:58:46Hey, just some words of advice. And the whole, he said she said, format really distracts you from the story.
