You might try using more words like “I’m” instead of “I am”, and “We’re” instead of “we are”. Fuck thisanonymous readerReport 2012-04-20 12:43:23Geez! Xxnx Agree with the thing to drop the background characters unless you plan to bring them into a teenage orgy in someone’s cabin.«12» And give the guy more “Alone-Time” with the girl.anonymous readerReport 2012-04-20 08:21:12Wow, really slow start! And I agree with the people who said to be less detailed about every movement on the ship, and every last detail about the people you meet. And give the guy more “Alone-Time” with the girl.anonymous readerReport 2012-04-20 08:21:12Wow, really slow start! almost as hard to read as some of the stories posted here…Sorry, but my suggestions are still valid. …lolanonymous readerReport 2012-04-20 12:41:29Overall, it has some potential.
